Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Almost 3 yr old Free to Good Home

Beautiful girl just shy of 3 yrs old FREE to GOOD home! She is filled with energy and mischief, and is very demanding. Enjoys, cuddling, reading and testing her limits. Favorite food is chicken nuggets and hamburgers, favorite toys are dolls, favorite color is pink, and favorite word is "NO". Has mild reflux controlled with meds, PRN. Has a history of frequent fevers, ear infections and upper respiratory infections which appear to be in remission, now. Is allergic to dairy, soy, cinnamon, strawberries, pine-nuts and something in hummus. May have outgrown some of the food allergies, but current parents are hesitant to give her the foods to find out. Her food allergies are well managed with careful label reading and diligent food prep and planning ahead. Also has seasonal environmental allergies, and is allergic to dogs. Current family has a dog which she is able to tolerate and the very patient dog tolerates her as well. Girl is in need of lots of attention, one-on-one play time, frequent social outings, constant entertainment and structure that her current parents are too exhausted to provide.

Accessories include: 1 month supply of reflux meds and antihistamines, as well as cream for eczema, a referral to Kids With Food Allergies for endless on-line support in managing the girl's food allergies and validation that she is not the only girl who runs her parents ragged, countless dolls, a well loved Rose Petal Cottage, several bins of toys that she never plays plays with, crayons, coloring books and other art supplies, a complete wardrobe courtesy of a shopaholic grandmother, and all the necessary goodies to throw a wonderful allergen free birthday party for the girl and 10 of her closest friends.

Warning: Consider this offer carefully. Acceptance of this offer will result in a home that is worthy of being declared a national state of emergency, piles of laundry that may or may not be clean, floors covered with baby dolls hidden under blankets who are reportedly "sleeping", frequent night-wakings, being hit by the girl several times/day despite all efforts to curb that behavior, a total inability to carry-on a conversation with another adult without frequent interruptions, marital stress, gray hair and hair loss, irritability, and a complete loss of any patience, discipline techniques or parenting skills you may think you have. Peaceful, leisurely mornings will become obsolete. Any animals in your home will become completely neglected by you and well loved by the girl.

Acceptance of this offer will also result in an overwhelming protective instinct to ensure the girl suffers no harm. An increase in the size of your heart to make room for all the love that she will bring into your life. Laugh lines on your face from the frequent smiles she will bring. A bulging hardrive on your computer that is filled with all the adorable photos that you will feel completely compelled to take. Moments when the rest of the world stops and she is the only thing in your life that matters.

This is a very limited time offer. It may expire a few moments after the girl is at preschool this morning. Interested parties can contact the girl's parents at the local bar or insane asylum to determine if the offer is still valid.

5 comments:

Gidget26 said...

Spit!

Jen Clark said...

ha!

Kristy said...

Toooo funny! I know the feeling, as well as the feeling of wondering why I miss the silly thing 30 in after I couldn't wait to be rid of her!

Laurel said...

Thanks for the link to your blog, you're so crafty, I love T's room!

SensoryMama&Palma said...

That was so funny, I just found your blog. I am still reading through and loving it and wanted to post to ask you a few questions about your sensory "diet" but noticed this is from a few years ago, so I assume a lot has changed since then with your beautiful little sensory craver! My sensitive little guy is almost 2, and a whirlwind of jumping, screaming, laughing, and exhaustion! I'm about to look for more on your blog, but can't wait to try the rice in a box for his little hands. He'll love it, my husband will hate it (my husband doesn't get how fun it is to make a mess!) Loved the story about your daughter being assertive for her friend, and hope she is still just as strong!