This is part 3 in a series I'm writing about our journey with Sensory Processing Disorder. You can read Part 1 and Part 2, here.
***This post was actually written last January. I've had it in draft and am just now getting around to posting it!***
So, while we're certainly thankful for all of these strengths, the result is that for her, SPD is a stand-alone diagnosis. When I compiled a list of Taylor's behaviors, and provided the completed SPD checklist from The Out of Sync Child to our pediatrician, I asked for a referral for an OT eval and we were seen at a local PT clinic. I live in an area where geriatrics is the main focus of health care and services, due to our population. While the OT we saw validated our concerns and agrees Taylor had many behaviors consistent with SPD, she recognized her own limitations in knowledge about SPD and referred us to another clinic for on-going OT. The referral for on-going OT was denied by our health insurance, going back to the reason that SPD is not recognized in the DSM.
I also think it's worth noting here, that the OT that completed the initial eval started going down the road of ADHD. SPD is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. Yes, Taylor is hyperactive (although I *really* hate that word!), and yes, Taylor has trouble focusing, BUT...her hyperactivity is related to her *need* for sensory input. She moves constantly as an attempt to fulfill her need for sensory stimulation. And, she can focus just fine as long as she's moving or chewing on something. In fact, she has almost no problems at school. She's able to get input in ways that are not disruptive to her class, her teachers adore her, and she's above grade level in every area. Her teachers completely scoffed at the idea that it was suggested she has ADHD.
Knowing that we desperately needed more guidance in managing Taylor's behaviors, we decided to pay out of pocket for OT at the recommended clinic. The OT we saw, came highly recommended by a dear friend who has a son with autism. During our first meeting with our OT, it became very clear how experienced and knowledgeable she is. I felt hopeful and relieved, but also a little sad, because it made all of this more real and valid. Mostly, though, I was grateful we found someone who was finally going to help us.
Prior to our appointment, I wrote a detailed report of Taylor's relevant medical history (food allergies, asthma, multiple episodes of pneumonia, chronic ear infections as an infant, the fact that she was born with the cord around her neck - which is listed as one of the factors with kids with SPD). I also wrote about our biggest behavioral challenges, and what we've put in place at home.
Our OT began our session by giving us a tour of the clinic. We ended in the "imagination room" where Taylor played with trains and cars while hubby and I talked with the OT. She began by going through a sensory profile with us. This was a multiple page scale that asked questions about how Taylor responds in certain situations. By the time we reached the 4th question, we were having a vivid dialog about our challenges and our OT had realized that we've already put a lot of things in place to help Taylor cope. For example, one of the questions was related to if Taylor is able to behave appropriately while eating out. I explained she is, as long as I bring a bag full of appropriate toys to occupy her. Left to her own devices, she'll crawl under the table, talk excessively and interrupt, and not have the patience to sit at the table. And, let's not forget about the fact that she almost never actually eats the food she is served. The food either tastes "yucky", doesn't look "good", is just plain "gross", isn't the same as the same item that I make at home or that she's served at school.
During our discussion, we were very aware that Taylor was listening to every word that was said. I'll be completely and wholeheartedly honest, here, in hopes to validate what you may be feeling reading this, if you have a child who regularly challenges you beyond what you feel you can manage. A lot of our conversation revolved around my husband feeling like a referee between Taylor and I. While John and I have a very united front in our parenting, Taylor responds much better to his direction and discipline than she does to me. Through this very candid discussion (while attempting to be discreet so as to not offend Taylor or impact her self-esteem), it became obvious to our OT how exhausting and unpleasant it was for me to be alone with Taylor. Everything was a battle. Our OT said the words for me in a completely empathetic and validating way, that I didn't "like" my child. This brought tears to my eyes. Tears because, she was absolutely right. Tears because how awful does that sound? Tears because I remember when she was about a yr old, someone commenting on how obvious it was that I really "liked" my kid and what a great relationship we had. I cried because we had lost that. I cried because despite all of my education and experience as a social worker, I felt totally lost at how to parent my own child. I believe that God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle, but I was really feeling like God had overestimated my abilities and strength.
During that session, our OT gave us a lot of hope. She validated my parenting style, but also pointed to its weaknesses when it comes to raising a very strong-willed child with sensory issues. There were so many light bulb moments during that hour, I can't even begin to share it all. But I want you to know, that now, just a few months later, I can say that I like my child again, and I enjoy spending time with her. I no longer dread the weekends. Yes, there are still a lot of days that are exhausting, and she still has sensory struggles, but I'm able to control my reactions to her behavior and be more empathetic and help her through these challenges.
